I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
