Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
