I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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