Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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