My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
