I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
