I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
