direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
two words...techno handjob
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
