you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
