she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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