okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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