We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
