i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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