so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
