i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
