just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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