sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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