I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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