I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
