My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
