You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
