sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
