don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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