I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
