Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
