hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Randomize
