I must be too annoying 4 u.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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