hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
