Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
