everyone is single if you try hard enough
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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