left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
