well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
