I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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