and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
