He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
