dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there was a trapeze. enough said
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
