a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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