You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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