So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize