i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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