So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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