Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
