Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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