I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
