She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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