this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
