hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
