Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
