I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
