Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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