My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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