i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
