it was like his penis was on wheels.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
