everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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