Whod you bang
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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