im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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