The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
