shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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