Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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