when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
