he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
