This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
